Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
