i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
