I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
