i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
