and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
