I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
