i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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