yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
