Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
