I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
