Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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