I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We need to get me chipped asap
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