I'm passing your future prison.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
