hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
