umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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