its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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