next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
