3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
