Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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