And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
