i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
