took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
