you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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