So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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