Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
