there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
