I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
