IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
