i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I can't put those talents on a resume
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
