I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
