I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
