We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
