I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
