My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
