I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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