tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize