First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
