I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
