it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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