My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
