My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
