This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize