Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
