yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
