I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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