My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
this will be a night to untag.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
