I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
