Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
