I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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