remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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