I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
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