Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
