it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
