and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
