Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
