Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
