I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
