im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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