I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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