i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Congratulations! We have a period
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