I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
