Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
