Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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