Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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