This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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