talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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