They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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