Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
