yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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