I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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