Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
