i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
