We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
