So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
