you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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