My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
